Uberfantabuliciously Lazy Windows Maintenance

OMG ANOTHER ADOBE UPDATE

IF I SEE ONE MORE ADOBE OR JAVA UPDATE, I'M GOING TO START TYPING WITH CAPSLOCK ON ALL THE TIME!!!!ELEVENTYONE!!!111!!

Ok, maybe not.

So, have you been driven mad with updates?

Does it take far too much time/energy out of your life?

I have the solution for you! *victory theme music*

http://ninite.com/.net-7zip-air-chrome-firefox-java-reader-shockwave-silverlight-vlc/

You can go to ninite.com and create your own custom package of things

Download this. Put it somewhere cool, that you'll keep it forever. Run it once. You'll see how awesome it is (look at my horse, my horse is amazing)

You just updated .net, 7zip, adobe air, google chrome, firefox, java(COFFEE, decaff please(yes, for real, I don't drink caffeine)), adobe reader, adobe shockwave, silverlight, and VLC

That's a lot of trash out of the way.

Yeah, sure, it's great you can use an auto installer... but how do I make it better?

Solution. Automate the auto installer.

All of us have a time where we typically aren't awake. For me, it's 5am.

Press start

Type in: Task Scheduler, Click it

Wait like 30 sec for it to open (it's usually slow)

In the top right, click "create basic task"

Name it something really cool (and remember, bowties are cool).

The description can be "KILL ALL THE UPDATES", Press next

Select daily, Press next

Set the time and date as appropriate (if you don't know what's appropriate, go back to kindergarten)

Recur every 1 day, Press next

Select "Start a program", Press next

Browse to whatever cool place you placed the installer. Press next, Press finish

So now you're going to ask... what about things this doesn't update?

Well windows updates are pretty easy to automate.

Start

Type windows updates

Click windows updates

Click "Change settings"

Check all boxes under recommended updates, who can install updates, and microsoft updates.

Set time as convenient, preferably atleast 30 minutes after ninite.

Next step: Automate flash updates: Warning, this is inconsistent and doesn't always work like you'd want it to.

Start

Type control panel, click it.

In the top right, "view by" set to small or large icons, your preference.

Click Flash player (32 bit)

Click Advanced

Click "Allow adobe to install updates (recommended)

Close it.

So now we get to the point of "cool, now it auto updates when I'm sleeping, but doesn't this mean I need to keep my computer on?"

The answer is a surprising NO!

My fellow blogger, over at techraptor.net came up with a solution

Have your computer turn itself on at a certain time!

You also can, with some caution, have your computer turn itself off at another time.

Ok, everything is updated? What about other stuff?

You could set CCleaner (Btw, that's not CCcleaner, or CC-leaner. It's crap cleaner) to auto clean on every bootup, but that's a little overkill in my opinion. Use it sometimes though. I like that I can clean stuff out by right clicking on the recycling bin, and clicking run cleaner.

What about defragging?

Press start.

Type "Disk Defrag", click it.

Click "Configure Schedule" or similar depending on version of windows.

Configure it to daily, at your preferred time.

Select all of your non SSD volumes. If you are on windows 8, selecting SSD is okay too. It'll optimize but not defrag the drives.



So, that's all I'm covering for today. I hope you enjoyed my blarging.

If you have any questions or comments, leave them below.